The Children's Crusade #8

This week, I'm recapping the Young Avengers: The Children's Crusade, a nine issue story that just wrapped up this month. You can start with my commentary of the first issue, here. 

My predictions for Victor Von Doom's reaction to absorbing the "life force" (aka the power to shape reality as he sees fit) were scarily accurate. He plans a benevolent dictatorship, where all the world's inhabitants will have everything they desire, and he is the supreme ruler of mankind, and also, he still wants Wanda to be his bride.

I don't know why Doom is always looking for a bride. It seems to be his primary goal in life. Maybe you should set up a Latverian OkCupid, Vic!

Anyway being a semi-rational human being, Wanda is all "uh, no thanks, mister. How 'bout you put the huge galactic power force energy ball thing back where you found it?"

Victor...doesn't take it well. He sends the gang back home, hoping that just the sight of Wanda will spur the Avengers and the X-Men into killing each other.

Emma knocks Wanda out temporarily, and reads her mind to discover Doom's plan. Scott decides that Wanda still needs to be brought to JUSTICE, because apparently he has turned into Bruce Wayne. Tommy steps the goddamn hell up, though, and someone finally calls Scott out for his bullshit.

Tommy: What does that even mean? Are you going to put her in mutant jail? Or have your girlfriend give her a psychic lobotomy? Are you gonna torture her? Kill her? Torture her and then kill her? Would that be enough justice for you?
Scott: No.
Tommy: Then what would? What's your plan, Mr Summers?
Fucking Tommy, being a bamf. That's Teddy's job! He reminds everybody that several of their teammates have histories on the wrong side of the law. Emma Frost? Queen of Hellfire Club, murderer. Rogue? Terrorist, in the Brotherhood of Mutants. Magneto? Um. Has killed literally thousands of people. Gambit: member of the thieves guild. Wonder Man, Ant Man, Hawkeye, Quicksilver, The Vision: all have criminal pasts. Countless members of both the Avengers and the X-Men have been mind-controlled, possessed, or otherwise forced to kill or hurt their teammates and loved ones.

Before everyone can get over the fact that fucking SPEED is giving them a lecture on human compassion, Victor arrives, and promises to give everyone everything they've ever wanted. He can even raise the dead! Let's see how many of these assholes I can recognise?

Up there on the top left, that's the phoenix, or Jean Grey, I guess. Dunno who that is under her, but under THAT guy is fucking Kurt Wagner (Nightcrawler), one of my all time favourite X-Men. It is a huge bummer to know that he's dead. On the right we have - I'm thinking that's Banshee up the top there. I dunno who the middle dude is, and at a guess I'd say the lady on the bottom right is...one of Wolverine's exes? Maybe? I dunno. Anyway, if you guys know, leave me a comment.

The point is, Victor is being an emotionally manipulative little shit. He also gives Scott the ability to see without shooting lasers out of his eyes, and he un-beastifies the Beast. But they all refuse to surrender to him, so he grows to be huge (seems to be a stock standard ability these days) and the gang have a quick arguement over who gets to sacrifice themselves as a diversion while Billy and Wanda attempt to cast a spell.

Cassie's dad shrinks down and rides an ant into Victor's inner ear to cause some damage (gross), and then tries to get away without getting caught. Unfortunately:

Yeah. Consequences of being a tiny bug-sized super hero, I guess. So Cassie gets to see the death of her dad die twice in one day, that must be fun.

But Victor is too powerful, so the rest of the gang take off to distract him while Billy and Wanda open a portal? I don't know why, let's just roll with it.

So they open a portal to...something. That floods Victor with....something. And it is too much for him to handle, so he lashes out at Wanda, telling her that she was "nothing" but a conduit to the nexus, and destroying the Avengers and all mutantkind wasn't her fault, but his.

So for those of you not paying attention, the guy called Victor Von Doom, a super villain, was the real bad guy all along. Got it? I'm so glad we're all up to speed.

Anyway turns out that Ant Man is okay, but Cassie is not looking too good guys!

Next issue: Cassie gets up and is fine within like three panels. You can't have a CHILD die in a COMIC

If you enjoyed this edition of The Comic Book Commentary No One Asked For, you might also like to read my recaps of The Ultimates Vol. 1, all though I can not in good conscience ask you to expose yourself to that travesty of a series. 

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