The Children's Crusade #7
This week, I'm recapping the Young Avengers: The Children's Crusade, a nine issue story that just wrapped up this month. You can start with my commentary of the first issue, here.
Last issue Wanda got her powers and her memory back, and started restoring the powers of mutants. This issue begins with me wondering if maybe the Scarlet Witch wouldn't have been so cranky if she didn't have a permanent wedgie.
That can't be comfortable! Anyway moving on.
Oh actually no, check out the rest of the cover, as Wanda and Victor appear to be canoodling atop a pile of children's corpses:
Okay so Douchebag Summers I Mean Cyclops and the X-Men show up and demand the Avengers give Wanda over. The Avengers refuse, saying that they are willing to work with Wanda to restore the powers of mutants. Summers, being a reasonable and mature adult, shoots at them and threatens to "burn the witch".
Wanda, not wanting to cause any further conflict, says she'll go with the X-Men, but instead, the two teams decide to fight each other.
Like I said. No one in the Marvel Universe ever acts like a fucking sane person.
You know, for all she's played as a villainous ice queen bitch with "a predator's heart", Emma Frost is actually kind of great with kids. If you ignore the fact that here she is controlling their thoughts, manipulating them for her own ends.
But then Wanda gives everyone a time out. Literally.
She then proceeds to teleport herself and the Youngvengers back to Castle Von GreyDoom, where Victor is waiting. Needless to say, the gang are somewhat concerned that they have just allowed the most powerful magic user in the known universe to take out the Avengers and the X-Men, and then immediately team up with a known super villain in a deadly alliance.
Wanda explains that she sought Doom's help after she learned of her children's demise, and Doom explains that Wanda is "a nexus being: a living focal point for Earth's mystical energies". Yes. That exact sentence, I am not even shitting you.
See? Would I make this shit up? No. I would not.
So Wanda absorbed something called "the life force", and it turned her batshit insane. Victor also tells Billy that no one can take away his powers, and that he's had them all along! Billy calls bullshit on that pretty quick.
So Wiccan, Doom, and Wanda all hold hands to give all mutants back their powers, and remove the life force from Wanda so she is no longer a threat, since no human should have the ability to shape reality to their will, we just cannae handle it, captain!
Eli flips out with the combined psychological trauma of seven issues of going "wait, we're doing what now? Guys, this is the worst idea of all time. Seriously, are you serious with this? Hello? This guy is EEEEEVILL, don't you guys read the comics?" He fires one of Kate's arrows, aiming for Doom, but instead hits Wanda.
She's okay, but they all quickly realise that something has gone terribly wrong with the spell to remove the life force and restore the world's mutants. And that something, is...
Okay. So Doctor Doom betrayed you all, taking the life force for himself. Raise your hands if you are surprised at ALL.
Next issue: Doom promises to only use his reality-shaping powers for good. He'll erase poverty and war, and rule over all of Earth as a benevolent dictator. I'm sure everything will work out just fine, you guys.
If you enjoyed this edition of The Comic Book Commentary No One Asked For, you might also like to read my recaps of The Ultimates Vol. 1, all though I can not in good conscience ask you to expose yourself to that travesty of a series.