The Children's Crusade #4

This week, I'm recapping the Young Avengers: The Children's Crusade, a nine issue story that just wrapped up this month. You can start with my commentary of the first issue, here.

Discovering his spirit mama Wanda is being held captive by Dr Doom, Billy travels to Latveria to scout out the situation. There, he discovers that she seemingly has no recollection of her true identity or her past actions, and that she intends to marry Doom the next day.

As Billy tries to explain, Doom himself arrives and incapacitates the teen witch. Meanwhile, Magneto and the Young Avengers plan their search and rescue mission, only to be distracted by the sight of Wonder Man showing up to rescue Wanda.

mmm, gratuitous Simon. I'd be distracted too.

So we switch back to Castle Von GreyDoom, where Victor explains that Wanda seems to have removed the memory of her Scarlet Witch identity, along with her powers, and gone into some kind of amnesiac healing coma. He invites Teddy to the wedding, and casts a spell to both heal him and relieve him of his powers. WHAT, DOOM, YOU ARE THE WORST. WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT, A GUY NAMED VICTOR VON DOOM WOULD BE A DICK.

Also uh oh you guys, uh oh! The Avengers are here, and I'm betting they're not super happy with the fact that the Youngvengers have teamed up with Erik "the only good human is a dead human" Lensherr.
A quick aside: remember how I was wondering how Tommy's suit stays up, when it seems to be magically attached to the side of his skull?

I'm curious about Ms Marvel's little modesty sash up there. Honey, you are essentially wearing hooker boots and an implausibly high-cut one piece. How is that sash staying put? Have you attached some genius industrial-strength double sided tape to your pelvis? Is it the same material that keeps your mask on? Did Tony invent it? Inquiring minds want to know.

Continuing on the costumes theme, can I just take a moment to fangirl over Billy?

I freaking love his costume.

Okay so in exchange for busting him out of Castle Von GreyDoom, Billy agrees to tell Wanda the whole Scarlet Witch saga. It's time for a convenient stroll down backstory alley.

Shit gets pretty fucking weird here, so. Basically, Wanda and the first Vision (not the one who was dressed as a nun earlier) got married and had twin baby boys, named Thomas and William. Everything was super awesome,

So Wanda flipped out and killed three of her teammates, and crushed by the motional weight of the worst tragedy in the team's history, the Avengers disbanded. Then a kid named Iron Lad started assembling the Young Avengers, a group of super powered teenagers with deeply personal connection to the original team, though they might not have known that at the time.

Billy and Wanda emerge out of Backstory Alley to find the Avengers, the Young Avengers, Magneto and an army of Doombots locked in suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuper boring combat, and Billy is suddenly struck by the realisation that he could have maybe handled this situation a bit better.


Then Wolverine tells Wanda that she is too much of a threat to the world's safety to be allowed to live, and just as he is about to strike her down...


Now. Iron Lad, I think, had tragically sacrificed himself, or gone off to find himself, or was traumatised and abandoned the team, or something, at the end of Sidekicks? Family Matters? I can't remember. Anyway, for those of you who don't know, Iron Lad is actually from the deep, distant future, and is destined to grow up to become one of Earth's most feared enemies: Kang the Conqueror. He wears a silly helmet and looks like this:

So Kang the Younger fought and defeated his future self, damaging the timeline, and in order to restore reality he leapt into a vortex or some shit, leaving behind his armor, which then fused with the cybernetic consciousness known as the Vision, and that is who we saw earlier, traipsing around the alps dressed as a nun. Comics! So sensible and straight forward! No wonder the general public consider them mainstream entertai- oh, wait.

ANYWAY. So Iron Lad is back, which could get weird, I guess, since he was dating Cassie before he killed his future self and then jumped into a time hole. He knocks Wolverine out, and declares the future depends on protecting Billy!

Next week: what the fuck is even going on right now, I have no idea. I'm sorry there are only a few screenshots this issue, it was just a whole bunch of squinty plot and flashbacks and bullshit fight scenes. Oh and a demon dude with baby arms! Safe to say, this issue was not my favourite.

If you enjoyed this edition of The Comic Book Commentary No One Asked For, you might also like to read my recaps of The Ultimates Vol. 1, all though I can not in good conscience ask you to expose yourself to that travesty of a series. 

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