While attempting to kill his father Magneto, Quicksilver accidentally stabs a woman who the group initially believe to be Wanda, the Scarlet Witch. However, she has a serious case of Terminator-face, and so now they believe that Wanda is being held captive by Doctor Doom.
This issue begins with a helpful recap of the character of Victor Von Doom, who, listen, I'm sure when these comics came out in the 60s seemed really deep and interesting and a compelling villain, but who now is just super dumb.
His thing is that he mixed science and magic, and got burned. It literally burned him, and so he made himself a face out of metal? And I guess if you're walking around looking like this:
and your name is literally "doom", then your only choice is to become a super villain.
And so, Magneto proposes they head to Latveria and rescue Wanda. Pietro points out that taking a bunch of children into what is essentially a trap might not be the best move for Erik "I want to atone for my past mistakes" Lensherr. The group seemingly agree, and Magneto leads the Youngvengers off to their accommodations for the night. This is when they realise that Billy has disappeared.
Pietro finds Wiccan in the middle of casting a spell and says "Hey, it looks like you're
Oh shit guys check out Teddy's 'I am so disappointed in you right now' face. Fucking. Fierce.
Teddy: I have tried to be supportive of Billy's connecting with his family, because god knows he supported me through the Kree-Skrull jamboree that was my family reunion.And then:
Teddy: But you know what's even crazier than a Kree-Skrull jamboree?
Teddy: THE MAXIMOFF FAMILY!
Meanwhile, at Avengers HQ, the Avengers are trying to get Wonder Man to help them find Wanda. Wonder Man apparently sacrificed himself to save her, and then years later she willed him back into existence. Wolverine says Wanda needs to die for Disassembled and House of M, adding that while they're at it they should "get rid" of Billy as well. SEEMS LEGIT.
Wonder Man refuses to help, and Wolverine vows to find Wanda himself. Tony's EXACT words are: "let him go, Cap. We don't need Wolverine for this mission. We need Wonder Man."
I know you have made some spectacularly bad decisions in your life. But I think needing Wolverine not to wander off into the sunset, bent on vengeance and child-murdering, should be more of a priority for you.
Meanwhile, back in Transia, Billy leaves Teddy the following note:
Dear Teddy, you are without a doubt the best boyfriend in the world. You're kind. You're generous. You threaten to maim people for me.And then he ups and spells himself off to Latveria, and is promptly surrounded by Doombots. Billy, being the sneaky little witch that he is, transforms himself into Wanda, and politely asks the Doombots to take 'her' back to 'her' room, where he is discovered by
Wanda! Who doesn't appear to remember who she is or any of her past, and who claims to be getting married in the morning. To Doom.
Side note. Why is she wearing a corset and a cape? I suppose it makes as much sense as her usual outfit, which looks like this:
Yeah. Anyway! Next issue: is Wanda being mind-controlled? Is she really going to marry a dude whose last name is DOOM? Will Teddy be mad enough to rip someone's legs off? Find out, dear reader, as we read issue number four.
If you enjoyed this edition of The Comic Book Commentary No One Asked For, you might also like to read my recaps of The Ultimates Vol. 1, all though I can not in good conscience ask you to expose yourself to that travesty of a series.