The Ultimates #12

With the new Avengers movie coming out in May, I'm reading The Ultimates to familiarise myself with Earth's Mightiest Heroes. Colour commentary is provided free of charge.

For reasons it took literally one panel to explain, the Skrull have decided that instead of their tranquil solution indoctrination plan they have to blow up the whole planet with some kind of huge-ass bomb, destroying not just Earth but the whole solar system. I don't know, just go with it I guess.

There are some fight scenes. Thor likes breaking shit, Steve calls bad guys "dirt bag", and um, I got the villain's name wrong last time. It's "Kleiser", but who cares, he's a fucking Skrull asshole.

he's mad I spelled his name wrong

Fight scenes in comic books are kind of hard to commentate. Yup. There's some punching, a bit of kicking. A pinch of cheesy taunting, some ridiculous sound effects.

Are we gonna have every member of the team yell "drop dead", I wonder?

Kleiser says that if Cap hadn't disarmed that bomb back in the 40s, the Earth wouldn't be minutes from destruction right now. In response, Thor decides to electrocute everything, and Fury is all "WOAH DUDE WHAT".

Oblivious to the TOTAL THOR-RELATED BADASSERY occuring above him, Kleiser is all "I want to eat your face". Mmm. Capface. Delicious.

Tony tries to catch a Skrull ship on his own, and it, uhh, doesn't go well. So they plug him in to the main power grid so he can recharge his suit, and then there is a weird moment of police soldier brutality, for some reason.

tony feeeeeeels

Switch back to Kleiser, who kicks the shit out of Fury, and is for some reason naked now?

why are you naked?

Anyway it doesn't matter, because he quickly gets snapped in half by Cap's shield.

Then there's this dumb shit:

Cap you are so ridiculously weird in this universe. No one thought the A on your cowl stood for anything other than 'America'. Your codename is Captain America. I'm fairly sure people get the point.

in response to Kleiser telling him he should surrender. I keep forgetting this comic was written during the Bush era, where mocking France for being cheese-eating surrender monkeys was the done thing.

So then some S.H.I.E.L.D. boys try to slap Bruce around a bit but he's having trouble getting his Hulk on. Fury's solution? Throw him out of a moving aircraft. Not cool, Nick. Not cool.

Next time, ish #13, the final in this volume!

1 comment:

Haiyun Jimeng said...

Hi thanks for posting tthis